Ask The Bee: BEEsic Instinct

Hi Jule!

Here we go – I’m happily married to the most wonderful man. He’s my best friend. We are so happy and have everything we could ever want or need in our lives, so these issues don’t stem from an issue in our own five year marriage.

Here’s the thorn – my husband and his brother work at the same law firm. We are all very close. He’s been dating a girl for six months, and from minute one my intuition told me that something was off. It feels like she’s constantly “auditioning” for something. I have really, truly given her every chance I can, but her behavioral patterns have always stayed consistently sketchy and attention seeking.

She’s a proven liar, extremely manipulative, and their behavior together is toxic and has drastically affected all aspects of his life, including friendships of 10+ years. He has even questioned her fidelity. She makes him paranoid and brings out behavior in him that no one has ever witnessed before. I’m not Chris Harrison, but someone isn’t “here for the right reasons.”

To top it off, she’s made zero effort to get to know me. We’re not even close to being friends, but she’s referred to herself as “your future sister” more than once.

Ay dios mio! Guess what? He PROPOSED to her a few days ago. No one in the family is happy about it and we all had expressed our concern prior to him asking.

Here’s my question – what the f*ck do I do now when I have to be around her?

I am concerned for my brother-in-law and the change his life has taken since she’s been in it. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I don’t want to be a “mean girl,” but I am about to explode. I would love some real-deal, unbiased advice from a savvy, intelligent, empathetic girl’s-girl like yourself.

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Let the truth fly to her face the next time I see her or bottle it up until it explodes and takes on a life of its own? Take 3 extra Valium every time I have to be around her bad energy? How do I do that and still stay compassionate and respectful of my brother-in-law?

Thank you for reading this Bee! I know it’s a lot. I’m really looking forward to your insight.

Love,

Hot Headed in Miami

Dear HHIM,

Ay dios mio you’re right my little hothouse flower, this is a mess! But guess what? We all have experienced our own version of this. Those who say otherwise are either incredibly lucky or gigantic liars hiding behind a gin martini drinking their feelings while clutching their pearls and a bottle of Xanax. And while I’m all for alcohol, jewelry, and meds (always in moderation and never together, please, especially the pearls!) I’m going to hand over to you a much more powerful weapon than all three of those combined. And funny enough cutie pie, I had to apply this to my own life quite recently as well. Oh yes, the Bee can be quite hot headed when pushed to her limit. I know, it’s hard to imagine 😉

But believe me when I tell you, while I usually lead with my heart served up on a silver platter and I’m the type to happily whistle Dixie outta my ass most days, if you push me far enough, hard enough, or worse, lose my trust, chances are you’ll lose me, too.

We ALL have the basic instinct to react, and to be reactive. We’re human after all! Made up of flesh, bone, and lots of emotions. It actually sounds like we are quite similar here. When I love, I love hard. I am loyal and fiercely protective like that mystical three headed dog Cerberus from Greek Mythology who guarded the gates to the underworld. Mess with me or those I love and this little bumble bee can sting like an angry murderous hornet. So while I can very much appreciate your desire to put this individual in her place and protect your family at all costs, I’m going to give you the advice that I was recently given, not just by one person whom I love and respect, but by TWO.

Are you listening? Lean in closer, please…

Sit back, cross your legs, light a cigarette, and BEE QUIET.

Yep. You heard me.

The proverbial cigarette, not an actual one, please. You don’t need to smell and taste like an ashtray while channeling your inner Sharon Stone all the while maintaining your elegant winter white cool, ya know?

Please know it’s ok to be emotional. It’s ok to have strong feelings around this lying, gold digging, whore bag (HeeHeeHee, did that make you feel better? I told you I’m loyal AF). You’d be emotionally dead if you didn’t. But here’s the deal. You’re poised to make this situation a hell of a lot worse if you don’t reign it in. Not just for yourself, but also for your husband and brother’s relationship and their family business.

Now! Lean back, cross those stems, and light up.

I beg of you, keep your opinions to yourself. Let the pieces fall where they’re supposed to. It certainly sounds like it’ll be right in the toilet. But brace yourself, sweet girl. It will likely get worse before it gets better. However, if you heed my advice there won’t be any blood on your hands when it does. Bee loving, bee kind, and most of all, BEE QUIET.

When they tank (which they will), do not hand your brother-in-law a single reason to blame you or your loving husband for their demise. If she’s truly a liar and a psycho bitch and he’s truly a good guy, the clock is already on this ticking time bomb. The alternatives are that she turns out to be better than you initially thought (please God) and you’ll write me and update me that you misjudged her, OR (brace yourself), that your wonderful brother-in-law is equally as maladjusted and as f*cked up as she is and they ride off into the dysfunctional sunset together. Love does f*cked up things to people, and lust can be even worse. She could just have one of those magical vajayjays and your words of reason and pleading won’t ever compete with that one, honey! 

So! What’s a happy girl in a happy marriage with a happy life to do? Exactly what I’m trying to remember to do Every. Single. Day. BEE happy. This isn’t your circus. You’re no clown. Now sit back, cross your legs, and pass me a ciggie.

Xx Bee

Wanna channel your inner Sharon Stone a la “Basic Instinct?” Check out some of The Bee’s favorites below.

Illustrations by @courtneycoloring