I want to say how much of a fan I am! I love your recipes, reading your blog, and watching you dance around in your kitchen! I'm writing in to ask for dating advice. I have a very demanding job in entertainment so most nights are consumed by work. This makes dating difficult. I'm on dating apps, but because I have such little free time I don't want to waste what precious time I have meeting a dud. Do you have advice for someone who wants the fairytale ending, but doesn't have a ton of free time to kiss any frogs? Any advice for putting myself out there? Or any single gentlemen you want to set me up with? I look forward to hearing from you :)
Lazy But Lonely
Dear Lazy But Lonely,
Awhile back on my Insta Stories I answered a DM not so dissimilar to yours. Looking back on this particular DM, in many ways it was really a pivotal part of why my website actually launched.
There are so many women like yourself working their tails off during the week, many times into late evening hours and much of the time on the weekends as well. Throw in dating and there is almost no time left to lie on the couch with no bra, and while I am a wee bit older than you, I do remember it well. Dating apps and all. After all, Bazz and I actually met on one of them. See where I’m going with this one “Lazy But Lonely”???
When I responded to this woman’s DM back in December I took a screenshot of my response and used it as part of my Insta Stories. The crowd went wild. I had touched a nerve with my very straight forward, delivered with love, but balls to the walls response.
December 2018 Instagram DM:
He’s not going to knock on your door I told her. Get off that couch, put some pink lippy on, and go forth and date. I know the process is horrible. I know there are more duds than studs. I also know that if you want the fairy tale ending (and that, by the way, is a whole other “Ask The Bee,” so someone please write in and tee me up for that one), you better suck it up buttercup.
I believe you that you work hard. I also believe that between, let’s say, Thursday evening and Sunday evening you have time for one, maybe even two dates. You know how all of these millennials (especially the ones in LA) time block their days? You need to time block your dates. Create a schedule. Make it happen. You can watch “Game of Thrones” when you get home.
One follower in particular had a visceral reaction to this DMd response that I shared. I was struck by how emotional she was; she seemed actually scarred by the entire dating process. She and I began a back and forth dialogue and later it was revealed that she was not a 20 something year old writing to me as I had assumed, but instead a 60 year old woman with grown children, a failed marriage that had left her wounded and raw, and a desire to throw every dating app into her iPhone cemetery. Could I blame her???? No, but I pushed back anyway. Hard.
December 2018 Instagram DM:
And guess what “Lazy But Lonely”? Days after you wrote to me she reached out. No joke. Like just last week.
“Well Jule The Bee I followed your sage advice - went on a dating website, wore my pink lipstick and smiled through every agonizing date I endured. And then I met a gentleman. I think he’s a good one!!! I’m so happy!...”
May 2019 Instagram DM:
So, “Lazy But Lonely”, get off that couch, grab your palest pink lippy (trust me on this one) and get your ass out that door. You can be lazy on Sunday morning. There is no being lazy in love.
P.S. Listen to episode 21 of Hashtag No Filter to hear Jule the Bee talk about this incident and more about dating!
P.P.S. Have a question for The Bee? Looking for some advice? Don’t forget you can submit it here. Everything is kept confidential, no names are ever used (duh), and no topic is off limits. Juicy juicy!