July 1978, a five year old Jule The Bee clings to the doorway of her Nana’s kitchen about to walk down the aisle at her parent’s wedding. Yes, I was at my parents wedding, but that’s not relevant here. That’s like a whole other blog post or at least an “Ask The Bee” which by the way is a section on this new site! That’s right! You should explore it! Well, after you read this, ok?
So there I am. Fresh pigtails, crisp white dress, pale pink satin ribbons secured to that baby fine hair that refused to behave for my mother, shiny white Mary Janes, and my own little bouquet of soft pink roses and Baby’s Breath.
So there I am. The music is playing, the bridesmaids have walked down the aisle, even our family’s miniature schnauzers have obediently done their part, my turn. Panic. Self doubt. Paralytic anxiety. I cling to the doorway and my Nana and I dissolve into fits of laughter. I can remember her peals of laughter, remember thinking I’ve never heard her laugh this hard, remember the feel of her hands on my small frame, remember her gasping for air through our joint hysterics, the smell of her perfume (Chanel #5) and then her whispering to me “Come on kiddo, you’re on, you’re up, let’s go” and just like that I let go of the doorway, emerging, down the aisle, past the swimming pool glowing with hundreds of floating tea candles in that thick sweet Georgia summer night air, finding my place under the chuppah, the butterflies dissolve and float away. It’s kind of how it’s always gone for me. Anticipatory nerves, crippling waves of self doubt and then somehow I manage to let go, inch my way to the edge, and jump, more often than not I bob back up to the surface and float just fine on my own and wonder why I took so long to work up the nerve in the first place. So here I am. My 46th birthday, I inch to the edge and jump. Wanna come with?
Xx Bee
Comments
14 responses to “Just Jump”
So so proud of what you have accomplished. Amazing! Site is beautiful! xoxoxo
Look at me all tech savvy responding to you Miss Wendy! And it only took me three damn weeks to figure it the FCK out!!!! Love you, thank you for friendship and your unwavering support. Not to mention the spot on advice, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
LOVE YOU!!! Xx Jule
So happy and proud of you for starting this website. You bring so much joy and happiness to our lives. Thank you and Happy Birthday!
So sweet of you Annie!
Thank you always for the support and the love xx Bee
Love this (and you) so much!!! Congrats and Happy Birthday to both this site and you, my beautiful friend!
Look at me Jess O’Rourke!!!! It’s three weeks later but I figured out how to write back! LOVE YOU!!!!!!! Thank you for your friendship and always the support. I kinda adore you. Xoxo
It took me 20 minutes to figure out how to post this #generationnana. This is beyond. This is like the baby of yours you deliver yourself ??? . Love you so much! So proud. Going to go Amazon shop now k bye
T- All good! It took me 3 mother fcking weeks to figure out how to respond! YAY Nana!!!
Love you xoxo
Happy birthday To our ?! You bring us joy
Raisa this is so lovely! Thank you so much!!!
Xx Bee
Jule,
I was at that wedding ,and remember how gorgeous you and your mom looked on that day!!
I also remember us all upstairs in Nana’s room taking pictures.
I am so proud of you and the beautiful woman you have become!!
Love you!
Aunt Robin
Love you Aunt Robin! Thank you so much for this special note. I think I remember that time in Nana’s room too! Xoxo
How f*****g amazing are you??!?! I am SO proud and not in the least surprised by your humor, wit, endless creativity, gorgeous writing, and overall crushing adorableness! This is definitely your jam, my darling. All hail Queen Bee!!!
Dear Mrs. Bert
Your unwavering support will be repaid in chocolate and pastry cream. I love you more than my handbags.
Xx Mrs. Ernie