The DM That Brought Me to My Knees (NOT Like THAT)

Never had a direct message (DM) so stressed me out before. 

March 17th, a two-hour drive from Beaver Creek to Denver answering DMs the entire drive, and then leg two of our travel day; a four-hour flight home from CO. I didn’t stop answering the entire flight. And there it was around hour three of our journey back to NY…

How could this person? The f*cking nerve.

“Hi Bee!” (She seemed friendly enough) “Can you please narrow down your beauty product favorites to your top 5? I’m on your new website and ready to buy, but I’m only going to buy 5. Thanks!”

Oh my God, only 5? She was clearly deranged. And yet, I was intrigued. My top 5 beauty products. Breathe Bee, it’s ok. Alright, you lovely smart creative bitch. You’re on. Let’s do this.  

Game on.

1)    Vanicream Bar Soap for sensitive skin

This is the least sexy bar of soap you’ll ever purchase, but it feels so good on your skin, you won’t give a shit that you should be wearing a polyester pant suit circa 1977 when you buy it.

Located on the bottom shelf of your local Ma and Pa drug store, Vanicream was once recommended to me by a top NYC dermatologist who told me, “you don’t need anything other than this to cleanse your face. EVER.” She was right. While I do whore around with a few others (I can’t help it) I truly only NEED this one. It’s the perfect deep cleansing soap that doesn’t leave your skin feeling stripped or dull. Suffer from inflammation? (Hi, psoriasis sufferer over here) it’s doubly the most perfect bar that ever was. It’s like dipping your face in milk; this bar soothes the most dry, irritated of skin and is equally calming and cleansing on oily and acne prone skin.

Best of all, it will only run you $7.00

From one extreme to the other…

2)    SkinMedica TNS Essential Serum

This is the Rolls Royce of serums and one that I unabashedly admit to using for nearly 10 years now. Yes, go ahead and do the math; I was 36 when I started buying it.

Meet your face lift in a pump.

Upon opening, turn the bottle upside down, slap it upside down on your palm like a newborn baby (do doctors still do this?) to get the pump flowing, and let the magic begin.

It tightens, it smooths, it firms, and it leaves your skin Botox shiny (yep there’s such a thing AND that shine is coveted!) Its two-part pump chamber delivers a powerful one-two punch improving the overall texture of your skin including fine lines and wrinkles. I use it every other night alternating with another SkinMedica serum. But alas, I’m only allowed 5 products this go around; better luck in round two SkinMedica Lytera. Wink, wink. See how clever I am there??

3)    SkinCeuticals C E Ferulic 

Don’t worry, I barely know how to say it either. It smells like ass and works like a dream. Actually, it smells like ash and works like a dream, but either way it’s an everyday must.

Every morning after cleansing this is the first product I reach for. While it’s labeled a serum, it goes on really more like a true liquid; a few drops out of a medicine dropper, into the palm of your hand and rubbed evenly over your face with your fingertips. The smokey smell goes away instantly upon drying and your skin is protected from free radicals, infrared radiation, and pollution. Your skin is brightened, tightened and appears to be slapped with youth. That’s right, slapped! OOH WEE!

4)    Kate Somerville Wrinkle Warrior

Don’t cha just love that name? And the hot pink Barbie packaging?? Yes, PLEASE!

It’s a gel, it’s cool, it de-puffs, and wait! My dark circles (WTF with them shadowing my face the minute I turned 44?) ARE GONE! I’ve only been using it for two months and all I can think of is Why? Why? Why? Why did I not know about this sooner?

PS I store mine in the fridge. Ahhhhhh!

5)    Dove Exfoliating Body Polish in Crushed Macadamia & Rice Milk 

Let me just start by saying that I actually hoard this product. I am filled with terror that Dove is going to stop manufacturing it. Not just the product itself, but more specifically, this particular scent. Whenever I see it, I buy it.

Rarely do I find a body product that I love enough to commit to the rhythm of using it on a regular basis. My face, yes. My body, almost never. I tend to be rushed when jumping out of the one, sometimes two; ok if there’s lots of SoulCycle bikes, occasionally even three showers a day, and pampering my body tends to fall to the bottom of the list of priorities.

Not anymore. My skin is now petal soft (go ahead, touch my arms) smooth, and the smell of this stuff is next level divine. I’ve never been drawn to scents layered with notes of fruit and heavy bouquets of flowers. This one, however; is Jule in a jar. Somewhere between a creamy rice pudding and a subtly sweet buttered popcorn I’m not embarrassed to admit that I have stared longingly into the tub many a shower cursing the fact that I cannot dip a sleeve of Nilla Wafers into the jar.

Dove recommends using it 3-4 times a week; Jule The Bee says every single damn day. You heard me.

So, how’d I do? Did I rock the challenge? I certainly hope you’re feeling good about it. I’m thinking this was good. Who knows; maybe we could even do it again sometime? Top five kitchen favorites, top five items in my pantry, top five podcasts I’m listening to in my car…

I need more coffee. Inulin coffee to be exact. Hmmmmm I feel a blog coming on….



To shop all of these products and more, click the “SHOP” tab above!


  1. Tracy wrote:

    Oh baby this is awesome. When do you use the wrinkle warrior? So in the morning, cleanse, ass oil THEN cream THEN makeup? Because I can’t wait the 4 seconds to call you. I need to know NOW!! XOXO

    Posted 3.26.19
    • Julianne Osherow wrote:

      WHENEVER I get a glimpse of mahself in the mirror I whip that shit out.


      Posted 4.14.19
  2. julie wrote:

    DYING to try all these products.

    Posted 3.26.19
    • Julianne Osherow wrote:

      GO Forth and try! Xx Bee

      Posted 4.14.19
  3. Christine wrote:

    Hi. ‘Thanks for ur 5 products. Need your help: I noticed you have both Kate Somerville eye products the warrior & the Line eye repair on amazon page. Which do u think is better esp for under eye bags but overall too? I’m getting s sample of the Line repair but before purchasing I need an experienced opinion from someone who has tried both. So can u just lmk what eye cream u like better or do u use one at night & one during day maybe? Please reply to (Sorry to post all this here-I can’t find a place to write u privately.)

    Posted 10.11.19

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